Day 1

And now I will post for you a response to my last post pertaining to what I would do when my kids left and since dooce has had so much luck posting snark I thought I would try it. And P.S. I so got drunk last night, we went to The Columbian and I had red wine (holy shit they still serve that?) while we watched Iron Man and I might do it again GASP.

"Anonymous said...

Wow, getting drunk? People still actually drink? I thought that went out with the 1980s.....really girl, get a grip..young moms aren't supposed to "get drunk". It's not a healthy thing to do to your body or your brain-but oh well, do what you gotta do. But remember, boozers are LOSERS"

Disclaimer: Let it be known that I drink. I used to be a smoker but it's been almost one year since I quit that (yeah for me!) I do not go to church, I am not religious, I don't know what I believe where it pertains to "God" or whatever, I swear and I may do so here...that is why I'm on this site, I do not post comments on people's blogs without leaving my name; if I want to give out my two cents I'll be big enough to tell you who I am and where to find me, I may offend you; if I do and you want to leave me that's okay ~ I don't care if I'm not everyone's favorite person but I'm not trying to be either.

If you are offended by any of those things your probably reading the wrong blog and with 75,000 people a day or so out there starting new blogs I am SURE you will find something that suits you just fine, I know I have. I do this because I enjoy it and the day that changes will be the day you click in to my blog and find it gone.

One more day....

And I am kid free babies!! for two weeks.

That's right I said it TWO WEEKS SANS CHILDREN.

Are ya jealous?

Dontcha just hate me?

Now I have to go, lots of packing to do to get them off tomorrow morning, then I think I'll get drunk and pass out in the sun for awhile (sunblocked of course) then maybe get drunk again.

Who knows? The childless possibilities are endless.

TA!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
--Winston Churchill

No wit today....

My butt is broken.

When I first got pregnant oh these twelve and a half years ago, I experienced something many woman have the misfortune of experiencing....sciatica.

If your not familiar it means - that the spots to the left or right side of the small indentation made by your tale bone will...catch or stick if you will; seize up may be the correct term. The end result being that it's very hard to sit or stand or to bend over or stand up from a bent over state...you know, things we humans do everyday to function normally.

Well mine has been acting up for a week now. Makes picking up laundry very difficult. It even makes sitting here typing this post a tad bit uncomfortable.

Ahhhh, one more reason for all you childless people out there to think twice about having kids. Don't get me wrong you know the drill...I love my kids, wouldn't trade them, wouldn't do it different blah blah blah...

BUT! my body has suffered, greatly. I am still suffering from pregnancy side effects and my oldest will be twelve soon. I just want to slap all those ladies out there who say "Oh I just love to be pregnant, I feel so wonderful! I could do this the rest of my life"

Go to hell I say! What's wrong with you I say? Are you insane? Did you not get sciatica? Morning sickness from hell? Aches? Pains? General misery? What planet are you from I say?

I hated it! I felt...invaded. And it didn't help when dear sweet Miss Melanie said "Hey Denise, you got somethin' alive in there, ain't that kinda gross?" All I could think then was "get out get out get OUT!"

Ya! thanks for that. As if it wasn't bad enough what with all the incontinence.

Anyway I digress. My point is I'm not funny today. My butt is broken.

Ode to Pollen

Oh bane of my existence, oh powder from the very depths of hell why do you torment me so?
Why when the very absence of you would bring the World to an end do I want you to cease to exist?

Is it because of the beautiful things you cause to grow? Or the sweet, sweet honey that is produced because of you? Why no, of course not. I'm still a lover of nature you know, though it pains me so.

No, it's because of the itching I feel all over my poor little allergy ridden person. It's because of my eyes that burn like fire. It's the itching sensation in the back of my throat that nothing can touch; that horribly irritating sensation that makes swallowing a cactus seem.......lovely.

It's the sneezing attacks that occur anywhere, anytime that cause the scent of flowers to burst forth from my nose and mouth (people have actually stopped me to ask the name of my perfume, IT'S ME DAMN IT AHHHH!) causing people to follow me around sniffing me as though I were some sort of strange flower.

How from seemingly no where ungodly amounts of snot will pour from every orifice on my face and at the most inopportune moments at that.

And the grass, sigh. The beautiful, fragrant, soft, cool, torturous, heathen, unloving, unforgiving, from hell grass. How I would love to be five again, back before the words "hay fever" were a part of my vocabulary, before the discomfort of itchy watery eyes and nose could touch me in my youth. How all at once the very smell of it brings terror and elation, ecstasy and dread.

Alas, here I sit; Once again mulling over my big dilemma of the Summer; Do I suffer? Or do I break down and take the allergy pills? Do I want to be miserable? Or do I want to be doped up?

Oh the angst of Evil.

Lazy Saturday

Is there really a point to posting on Saturday? I mean....how many people actually read their blogrolls on the weekend? Besides me that is. Who will even see this I ask you?

I skip around, trying to read new posts from my fellow bloggers and inevitably feel like a looser who has nothing better to do than troll the internet's for some early morning entertainment.

The collection of crap they call cartoons are not what they used to be, hence I have been thwarted my Saturday Morning Cartoons and I am forced into the arms of YOU! internet.

But no one blogs on the weekend, except me (poor, poor Evil.)

And it's not like I am neglecting anyone for this either...The Man works on Saturday...my pets are asleep as well as my children (odd for the oldest at this hour) and all is quiet save for the music from my playlist.

But alas...as I click around, the same thing that was there yesterday is still there today. I must find some other way to entertain myself....but then what happens tomorrow I ASK you?

Oh ya....The Man has the day off YAY! And maybe the Sun will come out and we can go and play or something or or....okay....now I'm just typing the random thoughts that pop into my head,
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME INTERNET'S!

that is all....

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

Reason to always bring your camera with you...

Because shit like this is GOLD to a blogger.

Ways to make little girls happy

First take one of these,



then add some of these,



Then let sit over night, possibly covered in a do rag or something...then Ta Da! you get this...



and...this.

Big. Fat. Smiles.

To My Favorite Boy In The Whole Wide World...

I love you ever so much, I could not live without you.
Thank You
Happy Father's Day

Because I'm lazy, I'm reposting an oldy...

The Rule Of Chocolate:

Chocolate is a vegetable.
How you ask?
Chocolate is derived from cacao beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate bars also contain milk, which is dairy.
So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. (at least three servings a day I believe)
Diet tip: Eat chocolate before a meal, It'll take the edge off and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights (little known nutritional fact) and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore you need to eat more chocolate.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
Equal amounts of both white and dark chocolates counteract each other = a balanced diet.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands your eating it too slowly.
If you can't eat all of your chocolate it will keep in the freezer, but IF you can't finish your chocolate; what's wrong with you??

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

Cherry Tree In Bloom

Not gonna do it...

Not gonna bitch, piss, whine and moan; NOT GONNA!

I'm sorry people, the stress......it's got me today. Shit is trying is very hardest to hit the fan, after all that has happened more shit is trying to slip it's way in.

You know, it's like standing on the edge of a cliff. Below you the water is churning and spraying it's way around the jagged sharp rocks that peek and hide beneath the surface; Behind you...behind you is the sloping hillside that is to steep to climb and the fall is endless; At the bottom you and all your belongings will end up in a jumbled heap of a broken mess and cleaning it up just seems to painful and exhausting.

So I stand here, carefully, so as not to slip in either direction; only my legs are starting to tire.

Beware all ye pretty pretty princesses...

Your pink puffy's will not be tolerated here arg.

Let this be a warning to all ye who enter here, priss will not be allowed.

UGH!

I don't want to offend any of my male reader's so I'm offering a disclaimer...MALE BASHING TO BEGIN IN 3, 2, 1...

I have spent the last two weeks catering to a very sinus infected male....up to and including when I finally banished him to urgent care three days ago for antibiotics....I spent the first two days forgetting that he was sick and saying stupid things like "What's wrong babe?" only to be followed by this shriek "I'M FUCKING SICK DENISE, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?"

Now two weeks later, I'm sick, Three days now I've been dealing with this headache; you know the one; where you bend over to pick up the sock you just dropped and your head tries to pound it's way out of your skull? yeah that one.

Well here's the rub...God...he didn't give Men (at least mine, I'll give you boys that!) the ability to deal with sick people. NO! Once his needs are met (antibiotics being the final solution) he has no sympathy. After two and a half weeks of dealing with his whining and bitching and moaning about his DAMN SINUSES do I get any comfort? Some sympathy? NO! I get "WHAT?" I'M ON ANTIBIOTICS GOD DAMN IT, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR ILLNESS; even though I caused it"

Sorry babe, it really sucks that after two weeks of taking care of my lame ass that you got my stupid fucking cold! Sorry that you don't have any health insurance and you CAN'T go to the doctor for antibiotics, sorry that you have to resort to FUCKING WHISKEY (bleh) and DayQuil to get rid of your cold, no conventional medicine for YOU!
SUCK IT UP BITCH!

O'kay he didn't say that last part but DUDES it totally felt that way. However, he DID say "Your just drunk!"

O'kay it's almost 5pm and I've had 3 shots of bad whiskey since noon, and while it may seem like a lot to some of you I added those shots to glasses of: chamomile tea, lemon wedges, honey and cayenne pepper. I AM HAVIN' A FUCKIN' BLAST BEBE!

Yeah right, in what world is the above recipe grounds for FUN I ask you?

If I wasn't sick I would think I was a lunatic for drinkin' that shit 'cause people...aside from it's medicinal value THAT recipe is FUCKED UP! that's right I said it...fucked up...It's not your "get your drunk on" kinda drink NO! it's a kick your ass right into bed for a whole day kinda drink.

But what is a girl who is waiting for a decent president and good health care to do I ask you?
Do you have another suggestion besides what Hellouise and self medication can offer?

Cause if you have any home remedies to avoid a sinus infection I would dearly love to hear them!

Seriously!

Ahhh the stress......embrace it

So I think it's time for me to get a job. I forgot how smoothly I run when I'm stress out.

The anxiety is high but SHIT GETS DONE! Like my world is trying to fall apart on me but I'm eerily calm about it all. Usually the Man is the one who finds us the place to live when we need a new dwelling but this time he had no time for that. And while the place I have an eye on is not a palatial abode it will save us money (something I have trouble doing) and maybe we can find something more permanent down the road. Or not, whatev.

I'm not gonna sweat it. If I never own my own home I don't care. I'll be paying the equivalent of rent for the rest of my life so six of one half dozen of the other right?

Cynical? or Realistic? I leave it to you to ponder.

So I think I found a place to live....

But it will require some down sizing, which in the realm of things is not all that bad since I have entirely to much stuff.

And they allow dogs, and the move in costs are low, and I might be able to get a spot on the ground floor (bonus!) and they have a pet area! PET AREA PEOPLE, chock full of doggie poo bags and all.

Now, if I can fit all my furnishings in the apartment it'll be grand! And if not...anyone want a dog?

Oh and Melanie, this is for you!

Front of the Dress! (that's not a spot it's the camera!)



Back of the Dress!
And yes it will fit you! don't argue with me damn it!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

Mother Nature's Signature

This is the 200th Evil posting, Cheers!

Ode to my children

Oh small women who would turn me gray,

must you fight and bitch today?

It's been only ten minutes since you walked through the door,

must you always fight about which one of you has more?

Why just last night you fought over a crumb!

If it were not attached you'd fight over your thumb.

I think it's a plot to get your own way,

your both little snots, must it be everyday?

I'd send you outside were it not for bad weather,

And I remember I love you so I won't knock your heads together.

One more week of school is all that I've got.

Then oh lord help me I'm alone with this lot.

This is too funny not to post...

This is a mural on the ceiling of a smoking lounge in a Hotel.



Think this would help you quit?

Dear Universe...

Okay....I apologize for saying Fuck You.

But I'm still super pissed.

I'll not go into the minor things that have gone wrong since the big one but suffice it to say I probably would not have noticed these things all that much had you not dropped the big bomb.

But my language was inappropriate and un-lady like.

However, I would appreciate it if you would cease and desist with the bad shit ASAP!

Thank you that is all.

Happy Birthday Anthony

It has been four months since you past and it still seems like the phone might ring and when I pick it up "Hello Darlin'" might come through from the other end.

You would have been 61 years old today, still seems so young to me. I can't quite remember the last time I saw your face, was so long ago; I think it was my front yard but the memory is blurry now.

If someone had asked me at Christmas who I thought I would be with out in the coming year your name would not have come up. I still can't hardly think of you without the sting of tears, how the suddenness of it all still hurts me so deep, how it's still so close to the surface.

I know your in a better place; wherever that place might be and so the pain and the tears are all just for me; for my loss and the sorrow it's caused the Man I love and his family, your family.

You were loved by everyone who met you and you are missed by them in your absence.

I love you A, Happy Birthday.

I am in love....

With HULU, if you have not checked out HULU you should!

I just watched two episodes of LOST that haven't even aired yet! HAVEN'T AIRED YET!

It was tricky but I did it. It wasn't easy I had to be sneaky to watch them but DUDES! Cable...soon to be a thing of the past.

OH! and the best part...FREE ;P

*UPDATE*

I found out that those episodes HAD in fact aired this last Thursday, so my bad
people, however they weren't actually updated either so I still had to be sneaky.
Also much to my dismay Battlestar Galactica is somewhat of a no go on that site,
so you can't have it all, sigh.
10:14 a.m. Monday June. 2 2008