Um.....yeah.

Soooooooo, ahem.

Sorry about that last post.

That's why I don't drunk blog. Or phone. Or do anything while I'm drinking besides drink.

All better now.

Worked through all my angst and trouble, got some really good advice from people who I trust and who love me.

But I had to go there, I had to work through finding out that yet one more person who I thought had my back in fact did not.

My faith in humanity gets worse every year I tell ya, BUT! I'm okay!

I am not dying, I am not having a nervous breakdown or anything like it.

All sober, All better.

I love you all!

Love, Evil.

Sad!

Evil is sad.

Is it bad that I don't want to be thought of as a sexual object?

When do you stop to consider your value?

When do you stop to think "I am more than the "future porn star of America" that the adult's around me thought I was?"

When do you let yourself think, "I am a beautiful human being worthy of respect and admiration, regardless of what the adults around me thought I would become"?

When do you give yourself more value than anyone who you thought you could trust gave you?

When do you stop believing your a loser, just because that's all the adults around you thought you would become?

When?

At 34 I still contemplate the value of my existence.

I still wonder "what would have become of me if the adults in my life would have really cared about my well being and my future as a contributing human being".

If the people I thought had my back didn't really think "if I could just get in her pants"

What then? Who would I have been? If someone would have just said, "you could be anything you wanted?" and really meant it?

What then?

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

Check out this sunset

Fire on the water.....


And then the beauty started to fade but only got lovelier...

My new view

For those of you who know where I live now...don't judge me your not perfect either.



that's a flock of geese that my crappy camera won't show you very well...

Ho-ly Cats!

Fuck people! I. am. in. hell. I fucking hate this apartment community.

I am moving as SOON as my god damn lease is up!!!!!!

I have lived here 16 days and I have gotten 6 notices already...6!? The hell?

Today I left a message on the landlady's machine about the most recent "notice", 'cause I discussed the issue that caused the "notice" and it was no problem, well her "boy" apparently wasn't told about it or whatever 'cause he seems to have a problem.

Now I have to deal with this at work, in front of my new boss whom I don't want to lay my ghetto sitch on at this early stage.

I'm pissed. Fuck them, fuck this, fuck fuck fuck.

I just want to be a quiet tenant who pays my rent and follows the rules now LEAVE ME ALONE! DAMN!

A curse on your house!

To my Daughter on her 12th birthday

12 years ago this day at about 11am I had been in labor for oh about 30 hours, I was hungry and I had to shit (I know it's weird but there it is, gross right?)

I remember saying "can I get lunch soon?" they said "If you don't have this baby by noon you'll have to wait till the dinner service at 5pm."

She was born at 11:59am. I had my lunch by 12:30. The rest is not for this post.

Anyway, that started this life I now live. This one that drags me out of bed everyday so that I can make two self reliant young woman who can stand on their own two feet.

It seems like yesterday she was just learning how to talk and calling me Daddy on purpose.

Now she's is almost as tall as me, has my hairdo and sings to her c.d's with "emotion"

And she looks like this now...



Happy 12th Birthday my sweet, sweet lovely girl. I love you ever so much

To whom it may concern...

Yeah, I'm lazy ... what of it?

Yeah, I'm neglecting my blog ... bite me.

I just moved, I just got a new job, I just got my kids back after two glorious weeks without them ... you could say I'm busy.

As well as school it starts in three weeks, in 1 1/2 weeks I'll be alone for a a week at my brand new job, (I think I may have done something breaky to my hand, holy cats it hurts) So guess what? it's not over! There is more neglect to come! Oh yes.

If you don't like it well sorry. I'm a little dazed right now, I dream about my new job so hell bent am I on absorbing all I can before I have to do it by myself with no crutch. Someone's business, not mine but in my hands, a small business no corporate assholes this...no.

So this? Not my number one priority.

And while some want nothing more to be loved and adored by the masses I...do not!

I care not who does or does not love me. I am Evil after all. I care not for your affections.

This is not a popularity contest though some would think it so, no...this is my accounting of pieces of my life and all those who would read not, need not.

Evil

Women's Compact Instruction Book

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checks books.

A man's idea of serious commitment us usually, "oh all right, I'll stay the night".

Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You maybe, you look familiar".

Well....I knew that was to good to be true.

When the lady on the phone told me it would be no problem to transfer my phone line I thought...huh...that's odd how very easy that was and it would have been, if there had been wires to my apartment, which there were not, to the phone that is.

Why I ask are there no wires to my apartment? This building is 35 years old for Christ sake, you would think someone would have complained by now. Best of all, they failed to set up my linebacker service, you know the service that keeps them from charging you 85 dollars an hour to step inside your door, the service he failed to tell my I didn't have until after he was inside? Yah, that one.

So three days later and I have a phone and a computer and my Friday morning nature is now Monday night's bitch session.

The move went relatively smooth for what it's worth, 1/3 of my belongings are now in storage and the other 2/3 fits better than expected so alls well there, the new view is by far greater than the previous view and I'll show you pics as soon as I'm brave enough to let my locals know where I landed as it seems they are very good at determining location from a photo.

Hope you are all well, wish I could stop by but I'm buried in boxes, I'll see you when the cardboard clears.