"cause I hear I'll get fifty bonus points.

And NOT be cursed with butt worms. A little link for you to read.
here is Yes You Are.

Because Its damn funny.

Sunday fun at the arcade in Seaside.

These are my children, I tried very hard to get them to be silly with me but alas they only looked at me with amazement when I acted silly. Arent they precious my little terrorists.

Ode to an idiot.

To the idiot driver you tried to run me off the road,
You are a fucking asshole. Im pissed that you came down the hill In my lane as I was driving up the hill to take my daughter to the bus-stop. Im even more pissed that because I had to come to a compleate stop to avoid driving into you I got to get a close look at you because you were so damned close to me on account'a you had to drive around me as you were IN MY LANE!! and I discovered you were on your cell phone. You are why I dont have a cell phone. People are stupid with their cell phones. They want to talk and drive, which no-one has mastered Im sorry its true, or they want to come real close to you and stare at you while they talk to someone else WTF?? like they want to include you somehow in their conversation or they really want to impress you with their I dont know ability to talk while holding a tiny amount of plastic. Anyway back to Mr ran me off the road. Here's the best part you dumbass, I really enjoyed glaring at you when you came back up the hill and realized what you had done and that I was now parked and standing on the corner with my tiny child. I could see from the way you covered your entire face with your left arm so that all eye contact was blocked and you could avoid my icy stare of death. This however also blocked your view of on comming traffic. To this I say, you really are a fucking idiot, please cease and desist driving emediatley. Thank you.

Quickie, Update.

So, stupid store manager and fat stupid warehouse manager are no more. Stupid store manager got himself fired (HA!) and fat stupid warehouse manager quit on the spot when confronted with his latest truck accident (Double HA!) Stupid store manager has been replaced by a woman (WOO-HOO!!) so far she's the shit. She takes none, whips ass and she's funny...bonus! Here's to hoping it all runs smooth from here.

Oddly enough...a political post.

Well sort of, I feel the need to gossip about one of the leaders of our fair Astoria. In particular our Mayor, Mayor Van Dusen. Ever heard of Van Dusen beverages? One in the same. Anyway our Fair Mayor has for the third time in his 15 years (15 years? there should be a law) as Mayor gotten himself arrested for druck driving. Let it be known that Mayor Van Dusen employs (and personally hired) the man who arrested him...hmmm.
Now this man is claiming that after all this time, finally he needs help. He has checked himself into the bum bum baaaaaa Betty Ford Clinic. Heres a link to the Betty Ford website so's you could all see how much that clinic will cost him (or rather, me.) Now all I have to say about this, and make no mistake I would say it to his face if I could is this: Why when you can afford a lofty price tagged rehab center like Betty Ford could you NOT afford a FUCKING CAB RIDE HOME? You might haved saved yourself (again probably me) alot of money and possibly a life! What a wonderfull example our fair leaders are setting for our children. You can get away with anything as long as you have a policeman on your payroll and most important, in your pocket.

crossing off the days on the big giant calander with a red sharpie marker.

The working never ends. I work 40 to 60 hours a week for the furniture store, if I wasnt so damn tired when I got home I would work another 1 to 2 hours a day at home as well what with dinner to cook and laundry and dishes to wash and children who need read to or an ear to listen to them read and the batheing and the house to tidy and lets not even talk about the dusting that I dont do. I just use the excuse that Im stocking up on cob webbing for halloween, so what if its eight months away! So for this reason alone (allthough there are many others) I am so glad that I am loosing my job. Now I might acctually get some days off instead of using my days off from work to work at home. The first two weeks will be spent cleaning each and every room in my house. I have six rooms alltogether and I figure it will take me two days to get each room sanitized and then another two days to go through the three closets in the house (two of those are really storage only) and sort out the crap from the keep. I figure after all of that is done I can safely alot myself two full days of sleep. After spending the last three and a half years working full time as an Office manager and a full time maid also I could really use a vacation. There is this beautifull quaint little hotel in Seaside, Oregon called (shocker) The Seaside Inn. It only has 8 rooms and all of them have Ocean views. There all themed, like the wicker room (all the furniture is wicker surprise!) with all the wicker accesories. Theres the log cabin room, the driftwood room. Some of them have hot tubs in them OH FUCK YA!! Now Ive been talking about doing this for a couple of years now, checking myself in for the weekend with a bottle of wine (or three) and sitting in the window with it and a pack of smokes (or three) and the ocean view and air as my only friend for three whole days. Its about $150 a night but I deserve it. Give me a room on the top floor with a spa and I promise not to fall out the window after Im drunk. My little present to myself for working 7 days a week for the last 10 years. Now some of you might say, "whine whine, suck it up Momma all us Mom's have to do that." and to that I say, Your right, Im not special because Im over worked. Im not alone in my misery, BUT that doesnt mean I dont deserve a break or a whine. Or some wine, whatever.

Note to self.

Tip for the day:
always wear black.
reason: When you form a hole in your lower lip a spit coffee into your lap you DONT look like you've just wet yourself 'cause no-one can see it.
God bless black.

The weirdness of Evil by request.

Okay so my friend Melanie (sorry not skilled enough to make her name a link) has requested ney demanded thay I post 5 things that are weird about me. All I have to say before I start is: You know what my name is, you asked for it remember that.

1. I am a complete slob at home, I am not OCD inclined when it comes to housework, however I cannot function in anything but complete organization at work, I cannot work on top of work everything has to be neat and tidy down to the contents of the desk drawers.
2. I love to watch bull riding, this is a new one for me. Recentley I was flipping channels and ended up on the Outdoor Life Network where to my astonishment I found my self hollering at the T.V. like a dude watching the superbowl. A new love of PBR (professional bull riding) was born.
3. I have a jar. In that jar: A wolf tooth, a human tooth, feline and canine whiskers and baby teeth, A white hair from a witch, a porcupine quill and the wings of multiple insects. I also conned my children out of the toothfairies treasure by out bidding her for them and I have all there babyteeth as well.
4. I dont do death. I dont cry when people die, I dont mourn at the funeral, I laugh. I laugh at people who lie about the dead, I try not to do it out loud, or if not then at least keep it to the row Im in. what can I say see #3.
5. When Im alone and something or someone has pissed me off, Ill talk to it/them as if they were there, Ill say the mean things I think only when Im angry but would never really say to any person. If you walked in on me doing it you'd think I was a nutter. I got this one from dear ol' Dad, I know 'cause I have walked in on him doin' this. Thanks Dad!
And there you have it folks Im a loon. Im sure there's more but thats all ya get.

The new do.

gone, GONE BABY!!!

Okay so this morning when the oldest walked out the door for her 1st day back at school, my heart did a little flip. When the little girl crossed the street to board the bus without so much as a backward glance the giddiness almost bubbled up out of me. When the bus pulled away and I saw her sitting next to some other little kid who was just as excited to be on the bus and I saw her laugh, the giddiness then did bubble out of me, so much so that I turned and skipped, acctually skipped back down the hill. Free, my mornings are once again mine for an entire hour before work. And soon, very soon, the whole day will be mine. you will be mine, oh yes, you WILL be mine.

Today has been very busy

Two kids to their prospective classes for tomorrow's 1st day of school, the little girl and I just got our hairs cut. She got a little page boy with bangs so she can see us and we can see her. I got a super groovy stacked A-line, long in the front and short in the back. I love it, BUT, since aunt ethel is about to come make me miserable, and she fore-shadowed her impending arrival by turning my face into a pepperoni pizza (who said it stopped after puberty? they lied) I wont be showin' off my new do for a week or so. But I promise I will post a pic of the new do as soon as my face doesnt look like its was just delivered by the pizza boy.

One down, one to go.

Okay, so this morning I took the oldest child to orientation, apparently parents happily send their children to school without this little ritual, which I can only imagine is very frustrating for the kids and the administration who have to deal with a rash of children who have know idea where to go or what to do. So I take them, even though I know they will probably get where they need to go even if they dont have a clue. I cant see the admin leaving all those children who didnt attend the orientation out in the hall. Anyway, the oldest has an awesome teacher, he's up-beat, kinda goofy and he had the whole room hanging on his every word. I like that, he even had me intrested. At 1pm I have the other one to take to orientation.
My point to all this is, its gonna be a good year. In my life time every year that I have turned an age where both numbers were the same its been a very good year (I.E. 11, 22 and now 33) Its gonna be a very good year. Something wonderfull always happens, at 11 my baby brother was born, at 22 my oldest child was born, this year I can't have kids so maybe just maybe it will be the birth of my new home. Im hoping. But, its starting to look up. I turn 33 this year, I get a reprieve from the job I hate. I get to go back to school (I hope) And who knows....maybe Ill win the lottery. Its gonna be a good year.

Conversation with my youngest child

Youngest child: Mommy, is dinner almost done im sooooooooooooo hungry.
Me: Yes.
Youngest child: what are we having?
Me: fried poo.
Youngest child: eeeuuuwww, fried poo. Oh well im so hungry I dont care what it is.
And all that money Ive wasted on all those four (or is it five now?) food groups, turns out I couldve shopped in the yard for free.

My week at a glance...

Okay sunday was supposed to be spent relaxing but instead I had to go pick up the my stranded man from a 2nd yurt building trip, which was crazy. as soon as I arrived his rides car started.
On the way home we were almost hit head on by a state patrol truck who's was going so fast when he rounded the corner in my lane that his tires were squealing and he ran me off the road. Our warehouse guys have managed to break the same part on the same delivery truck twice this week. It is now in the shop for the second time.
The idiot warehouse manager who doesnt know how to do his job has pissed everyone off in the store, two of his guys quit, but he still manages to think he knows what hes doing and were all idiots (pssssst, he broke the truck the 1st time, 3rd time in his 9 month employment!)
Today is my mans 33rd birthday Happy Birthday Axe! IIIIIIII luv ya. And today he was feeling nice and said "get as dirty as you want, schools almost here its your last chance." To our children while we were at his aunts house.
They literaly were covered head to toe in mud. You ever see those little aborigany kids with mud so thick it kinda dreads their hair? My children. I had to cover the backseat with sleeping bags (thank god I left them in the truck) and they still trailed mud all over the back and the back of the front seats even though I practically wrapped them in the bags. Should've stuffed them inside.
Then I get home only to realize that the dog has some how sliced open his foot and has saturated the buff colored fabric of my front seat with blood.
And there is only 5 days left till school starts and I havent bought one damn thing for the kids yet. That was just before I sat down to post. I can safely say I need a break.
BRING ON THE SCHOOL!!!!

The two voices of Evil.

So it was brought to my attention today that I have two very differant voices. One is my "how are you today? how can I help you? sure I can take your money!" voice. The second is my "get your slow lazy ass to the office and out of the dark warehouse you lazy fucking warehouse guy!" voice. and while I dont acctually say that, its more like "warehouse to the office for customer assitance" Its a very drop everything and get up here yesterday, voice. The first is sweet natured with a little lifting of the octave range sweet curtious and polite, the second one drops at least an octave lower and has a distinct "mother telling her children what to do and to do it swiftly" type of twinge to it. My customer heard both in the span of two minutes and said "WOW! thats a noticable voice differance, I wouldnt have thought those two voices came from the same person if I hadnt been watching it." What can I say? some times ya gotta be nice, sometimes ya gotta be a BITCH!.

So, after some serious consideration...

Ive decided NOT! to take the job doing collections on commision. Some things have come to light that I cannot reveal here yet, that have led me to understand something about myself. I can no longer in good conscience continue to work for this company and upon my termination my first blog will be WHY I can no longer subject myself to them.
to be continue'd.....

god help me...

Just to let anyone know not that anyone would ask, ill be a little busy and not too bloggy for awhile. We just started liquidating at the furniture store and its a fuckin nightmare. No really, its so much worse than I ever could have imagined. Im there till 7:30pm almost every day just trying to get the 5 total figures they want 1st thing every morning off of 8 stacks of paper where everything is a jumbled mess and this doesnt even include what cash/check/credit cards we took. My head is on perma-pound. Two days off in a row and I spent the 1st day just getting over the headache. So, I may post I may not, things are gonna get pretty boring (more so that usual) over here at the house of Evil. Good night and good luck (to me.)

HEH! thought I was gettin fired....

Okay so yesterday Im on my day off right, My store manager calls and says "Big G wants to talk to you, can you come to work for a little while if your comming this way? he needs to talk to you, I dont know why " Okaaaaaaaaay. So Im freakin' out! I figure okay they found a way to get rid of me AND screw me out of unemployment too. Not so, they want me to work from home. Sounds nice right? wrong, they want me to bust my ass to work their collections but they want me on commision, so at the end of the day if noone pays, I dont get paid for the work I just did, so in other words if I cant get'um to pay Im working for free, FOR FREE, and the commision they did offer? I seriously can make more money on unemployment and NOT work. And what really burns me is they think its this gift of a job because Id be doin' it from home. Now, I use to work in property management so I am all too familiar with what happens when you turn your home into an office, you loose all your rights to privacy, because their shit is in your house. They want to give me a computer, a fax machine, put a phone line in my home and transfer the store's phone # to MY HOUSE, I told them Id think it over as I have till the store closes to decide. I really want to sever all ties with this company though, they are as loyal as polititions. AND I hate doing collections. I dont want to call people and ask them for money. I dont want to due legal work and I dont want to go to court. They tell me "you can remain anonymous, you can use a differant name." Ya untill Im in court with them in the afternoon and then the grocery store with them in the evening. I dont know, its every Mom's dream to work from home right? then the wopper "you could make any where from $2500 to $6000 a YEAR." WOOPDY FUCKIN DO!!! again I can make more than that on unemployment. so once again they want to shaft me, pay me less than Im worth to do more than there paying me for. At this point I just dont know. could you make good money working commision at a job you despise?

The sweetest gift

Dear Universe,
Today, my mother-in-law took my children to her house, just outside of portland. WOO HOO!!! no fighting, no fussing, no "MOM SHE CALLED ME AN IDIOT." "NO I DID NOT YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!". ahhhhhhh the peace and quiet, I may just go to bed and not get up till tomorrow, or go visit some friends with no kids and drink all their booze. Id be at the bar right now except that the little repreive im getting also came right after the rent was due so I am completley broke and can do nothing with myself that requires funds. Ah well at least Im free for a few days. that will have to do, Thank you universe for giving me this kind gift. Now bring them back to me safe and sound so I dont regret the wonderfull me time I have been given.
Sincerely,
Evil Queen.