Evil Queen

I've had it....

2010-02-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

People, I'm done.

my faith in humanity is gone.

I have nothing for any of you. It was taken from me against my will and without my knowledge and it's fucking broken forever.

Without.

My heart is broken.

This is my last post.

Evil Queen, over and out and done.

Well...

2009-09-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

I just dont even know where to begin, I'm sure I've completely lost all of my two readers so we're back to the basics now. Primarily using this space as my own personal diary so that's a bonus.

It's kinda nice to once again have the freedom to say whatever the hell I want to without anyone to offend or put off.

My life folks has been a series of unfortunate events that have lead me into seclusion, I've had a falling out with some family, I've lost some family and I've moved twice since I've last been on.

It's been a little bit of a roller coaster ride for the last 6 months and I thought a nice disappearing act was in order (and now for my next trick!)

Anyway, I'm back in my beloved Fair Portland where I was born and raised, my kids are in one of the best school districts in the city, I have a cute and reasonably affordable apartment; washer and dryer incuded.

So, so far so so. I can't really ask for much more than that right now, all I can really hope for right now is as smooth as a ride as I can manage, anything more than that is simply frosting.

That's all folks!

mushy mush....

2009-02-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

Taxes

2009-01-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

I hate doing my taxes, but there done.

And I don't have to pay WOO HOO!

In fact their paying me, a lot!

Portland here we come.

I Just Don't Want To Disappear

2009-01-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

I look out my window at my surrounding and I wonder "where am I?"
(...why am I here?...)

I look at the city I live in and I ask myself "how did I get here?"
(...where is my home?...)

I see myself in the mirror but I do not recognize my face.
(...who am I?...)

I lay in the grass and look up at the sky,
I feel the no feeling that exists when I merge with the earth
and for a moment we are one.

This is not really happening.

I am not really here.

This does not really exist.

There is nothing but matter, nothing is matter...and nothing matters.

Note to self...

2009-01-19T14:23:00.000-08:00

Never get sick and leave your blog unattended...

No one will ever remember you are here.

you....

2009-01-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

Your skin is like a drug to me when you touch my skin.

Your body, like a wall for me to lean against when I'm tired.

Your face is a relief when the anxiety sits on me like a weight.

Your voice is soothing and sweet in a world of noise and chaos.

Your soul is my soul's mate and that which I did search for all of my youth, that I found you so young is a gift.

I love you, feel you, taste you, breathe you.

My heart is not mine anymore;

It's yours.

Kitty Pins!

2009-01-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

Okay people my buddy needs a sales boost and I think people will just love these, you can have them custom ordered to fit your taste, they're eclectic and cute.

You can have magnets or pins or whatever you can think of he'll probably do it for you.

Show some love Ya'll!

Kitty Pins or Cat pins .com

Evil Lives

2008-12-31T21:46:00.000-08:00

After one major abdominal surgery, one scary rush through the snow back to the E.R. to find out all is well and just swollen, Evil Lives.

I am healing...slowly.

Happy New Year!

Let's hope this next year turns out better than this one did huh?

UPDATE

2008-11-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

The bike has been found...in the bushes thrashed.

The frame and tires are good (as far as I can tell) but the brakes and I think the chain are trashed.

So, with a little minor repair she'll once again be mobile.

Still pissed about it though. Still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...BUT WAIT!

How many frickin' shoes do I have anyway?

STOLEN!

2008-11-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

I fucking can't catch a break people.

I do good deeds for people all weekend long and what does it get me? I'll tell ya.

Saturday I helped my friend and her beau move him out of his 4th floor apartment and her out of her 2nd floor apartment (can you picture the stairs?) then on Sunday we went to my Man's auntie's place to help her and her elderly husband cut down some trees that needed to be felled.

And what do I get for all this selflessness? something I'm told I have trouble with anyway?

We got home Sunday afternoon only to discover that some punk ass mo-fo kid with no parental discipline who should be in school but isn't because he gets into to many fights has stolen my little girls bicycle.

She hasn't even had it for a whole year y'all and I cannot afford to replace it. So, Merry fucking Christmas kid, Santa took back your wheels and gave it to a demon.

I want to cry, I hate this place.

I have seriously had the worst two and a half months of my entire life. Now all I can think is "Holy Hell! What's next?"

And! I'm about to shut this blog down for good 'cause if all I have to say is poor me, why me and what the fuck then it's not worth it. I refuse to do nothing but make people sad, I'd rather just keep that to myself.

I'm sure you'd all be happier for it.

SO WHAT!

2008-11-13T12:28:00.001-08:00

My animals pretending to love me...

2008-11-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Really, they just want me to feed them.

Mah mood ~ Let me showz you it...

2008-11-10T13:52:00.000-08:00

This morning a new day dawned....

2008-11-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

And with it....HOPE.

Only one word for today....

2008-11-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

VOTE!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging...

2008-10-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween...

Happy Birthday to Me.

2008-10-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

And these other people too...

1821 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian writer (d. 1881)

1885 - Ezra Pound, American poet (d. 1972)

1932 - Louis Malle, French film director (d. 1995)

1939 - Grace Slick, American singer (Jefferson Airplane)

1945 - Henry Winkler, American actor

1951 - Harry Hamlin, American actor

1967 - Gavin Rossdale, English musician

1981 - Ivanka Trump, American model

You can't pick your family

2008-10-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

I think my cousin is a Klan leader in Idaho.

Holy crap!

Friends welcome, relatives by appointment only.

Friday Morning Nature Blogging...

2008-10-25T10:16:00.001-07:00

Beauty...

HOLY SQUID!

2008-10-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

So we went to the beach (river side actually) yesterday and when we got there we found this!

and up close...

Look how they don't even look real...how they're kinda google eyed like a cartoon character.
It was weird. Then, at the end of the day, the tide had come in and they were all gone.

It makes me wonder if some of them were still alive. If so then the ones who were getting tossed into the truck you see above for crab bait must have been inking themselves.

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-10-17T10:31:00.001-07:00

My Daughter's first mask project...

2008-10-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

Oddly, it looks like one of Miss Melanie's one eyed women.

Angel Oak

2008-10-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry, this couldn't wait until Friday...Behold the Beauty.

When I woke this morning...

2008-10-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

And walked into the living room to sit down in my chair...this is what I found...

I don't think my animals should be more comfortable on my furniture than I am...it's just not right.

Co-Habitation...

2008-10-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

People...The world is going to Hell in a handbasket, fast.

Visualize Co-Habitation.

Remember a world in which the phrase "what will we do with our elderly?" was never spoken?

Remember when children grew up in the same house with at least one or a whole set of grandparents?

No, I imagine that most of the people who read this blog don't remember that because we are all to young to remember any of that.

Well I say we should start thinking of it, a day might come very soon when one family of two parents and one or more child cannot survive as an individual unit.

A day may be coming soon when multiple families will have to consider living under one roof together out of need, who knows...people might even find they enjoy it.

I for one will start the parade. I will proudly wave the Co-habitation flag and bravely move in with my Mom and Dad (not that they're elderly) in a big ol' house with room for all.

The great thing is we will all save money this way, my kids get to be around their grandparents all the time (don't think my Mother doesn't love THAT idea, she grew up in a house with 9, plus the whole it takes a village blah blah.) there will always be someone home when my kids get home from school and best of ALL!!! I get to live closer to this gal right here and that makes anything worth it.

that's all for now folks!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-09-26T07:42:00.001-07:00

The Universe has randomly selected you for punishment...

2008-09-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

So, just when I thought my life was on a giant upswing, the other shoe dropped and the bottom fell out.

My man lost his job 'cause his company are giant ass hats with no integrity. My job is in trouble as the economy is so bad and getting worse no one seems to want to buy cars, huh go figure.

Seriously, just today their talking about making me part-time if things don't pick up like NOW, if that happens I can't pay rent as I'm the only source of income currently.

Other things that I'll not discuss here have only made the stress levels skyrocket out of control and leave me shaking my head and gasping for air.

It's a wonder I'm still keeping it together.

With all this I still go to work everyday with a smile on my face, knowing that any day they may cut my pay in half or let me go all together.

Everyday I send my kids off to school as if the loom of doom in not upon us so as not to make them worry. What else can a Mother do but survive?

As I Mature I've learned that....

2008-09-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

...you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

...no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

...it takes years to build trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

...that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

...you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

...you can keep vomiting long after you think your finished.

..we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

...regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a lot of money to take it's place.

...99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

...the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Friday Evening Nature Blogging

2008-09-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

Finally free of the last of the boxes

2008-09-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

So a little before and after for you.....

Before.....

After...

Artsy Fartsy...

Evil gets a VooDoo doll....

2008-09-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

A really real Voodoo doll! It even had extra long stick pins, but the fucking airport security confiscated them from my boss who brought it to me from Haiti.

And here she is...I call her Luomi (Loo-oh-me) because that is where my boss said she came from, although when I google it nothing comes up so it must be like a county or something like it.

Anyway. Luomi the Voodoo doll.

Now to the fabric store for some hat pins, oooo! or maybe I'll shop around on line and try to get them from Haiti. If I can't have them hand delivered I'll have them shipped!
Evil will not be denied! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I hate the blogosphere.........and shit.

2008-09-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, really really really don't have much to say lately.

I no longer have all day to sit around a think about what I'm gonna say on the Internets....now I spend the day deciding which bill gets paid when.

So my mind is a little on the dazed side at the end of the day these days know what I mean?

I just went to Fred Meyer (the horror) and I feel like it was a dream, I wandered around the store in a trance like state barely able to remember why I was there.

I've gone back to my horrible eating patterns that seem to creep up when I'm working full time and preoccupied with something. I think I've eaten once today...hence the trance like state.

Lucky for me I can still make my way around Fred's without pissing anyone off...unlike the employee's or the other customers who appear much more with it than me BUT HEY! maybe they do it on purpose that's my theory.

And there's the bell....see this is all the time I get on the computer....in three days.

see ya...sometime.

Um.....yeah.

2008-08-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Soooooooo, ahem.

Sorry about that last post.

That's why I don't drunk blog. Or phone. Or do anything while I'm drinking besides drink.

All better now.

Worked through all my angst and trouble, got some really good advice from people who I trust and who love me.

But I had to go there, I had to work through finding out that yet one more person who I thought had my back in fact did not.

My faith in humanity gets worse every year I tell ya, BUT! I'm okay!

I am not dying, I am not having a nervous breakdown or anything like it.

All sober, All better.

I love you all!

Love, Evil.

Sad!

2008-08-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

Evil is sad.

Is it bad that I don't want to be thought of as a sexual object?

When do you stop to consider your value?

When do you stop to think "I am more than the "future porn star of America" that the adult's around me thought I was?"

When do you let yourself think, "I am a beautiful human being worthy of respect and admiration, regardless of what the adults around me thought I would become"?

When do you give yourself more value than anyone who you thought you could trust gave you?

When do you stop believing your a loser, just because that's all the adults around you thought you would become?

When?

At 34 I still contemplate the value of my existence.

I still wonder "what would have become of me if the adults in my life would have really cared about my well being and my future as a contributing human being".

If the people I thought had my back didn't really think "if I could just get in her pants"

What then? Who would I have been? If someone would have just said, "you could be anything you wanted?" and really meant it?

What then?

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-08-22T07:27:00.001-07:00

Check out this sunset

2008-08-16T11:58:00.000-07:00

Fire on the water.....

And then the beauty started to fade but only got lovelier...

My new view

2008-08-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know where I live now...don't judge me your not perfect either.

that's a flock of geese that my crappy camera won't show you very well...

Ho-ly Cats!

2008-08-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

Fuck people! I. am. in. hell. I fucking hate this apartment community.

I am moving as SOON as my god damn lease is up!!!!!!

I have lived here 16 days and I have gotten 6 notices already...6!? The hell?

Today I left a message on the landlady's machine about the most recent "notice", 'cause I discussed the issue that caused the "notice" and it was no problem, well her "boy" apparently wasn't told about it or whatever 'cause he seems to have a problem.

Now I have to deal with this at work, in front of my new boss whom I don't want to lay my ghetto sitch on at this early stage.

I'm pissed. Fuck them, fuck this, fuck fuck fuck.

I just want to be a quiet tenant who pays my rent and follows the rules now LEAVE ME ALONE! DAMN!

A curse on your house!

To my Daughter on her 12th birthday

2008-08-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

12 years ago this day at about 11am I had been in labor for oh about 30 hours, I was hungry and I had to shit (I know it's weird but there it is, gross right?)

I remember saying "can I get lunch soon?" they said "If you don't have this baby by noon you'll have to wait till the dinner service at 5pm."

She was born at 11:59am. I had my lunch by 12:30. The rest is not for this post.

Anyway, that started this life I now live. This one that drags me out of bed everyday so that I can make two self reliant young woman who can stand on their own two feet.

It seems like yesterday she was just learning how to talk and calling me Daddy on purpose.

Now she's is almost as tall as me, has my hairdo and sings to her c.d's with "emotion"

And she looks like this now...

Happy 12th Birthday my sweet, sweet lovely girl. I love you ever so much

To whom it may concern...

2008-08-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm lazy ... what of it?

Yeah, I'm neglecting my blog ... bite me.

I just moved, I just got a new job, I just got my kids back after two glorious weeks without them ... you could say I'm busy.

As well as school it starts in three weeks, in 1 1/2 weeks I'll be alone for a a week at my brand new job, (I think I may have done something breaky to my hand, holy cats it hurts) So guess what? it's not over! There is more neglect to come! Oh yes.

If you don't like it well sorry. I'm a little dazed right now, I dream about my new job so hell bent am I on absorbing all I can before I have to do it by myself with no crutch. Someone's business, not mine but in my hands, a small business no corporate assholes this...no.

So this? Not my number one priority.

And while some want nothing more to be loved and adored by the masses I...do not!

I care not who does or does not love me. I am Evil after all. I care not for your affections.

This is not a popularity contest though some would think it so, no...this is my accounting of pieces of my life and all those who would read not, need not.

Evil

Women's Compact Instruction Book

2008-08-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be left out alone.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checks books.

A man's idea of serious commitment us usually, "oh all right, I'll stay the night".

Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.

When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You maybe, you look familiar".

Well....I knew that was to good to be true.

2008-08-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

When the lady on the phone told me it would be no problem to transfer my phone line I thought...huh...that's odd how very easy that was and it would have been, if there had been wires to my apartment, which there were not, to the phone that is.

Why I ask are there no wires to my apartment? This building is 35 years old for Christ sake, you would think someone would have complained by now. Best of all, they failed to set up my linebacker service, you know the service that keeps them from charging you 85 dollars an hour to step inside your door, the service he failed to tell my I didn't have until after he was inside? Yah, that one.

So three days later and I have a phone and a computer and my Friday morning nature is now Monday night's bitch session.

The move went relatively smooth for what it's worth, 1/3 of my belongings are now in storage and the other 2/3 fits better than expected so alls well there, the new view is by far greater than the previous view and I'll show you pics as soon as I'm brave enough to let my locals know where I landed as it seems they are very good at determining location from a photo.

Hope you are all well, wish I could stop by but I'm buried in boxes, I'll see you when the cardboard clears.

So tomorrow I move.

2008-07-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

I have the next two days off with which to move some of my things into storage, and some of my things into my new apartment.

So by Friday I'll be nature blogging from a new abode. However I have to say that with all the packing I've been doing I dare say that I won't have time for the blog until then, not that anyone's is out there though, Evil got a job and lost her reader's.

But I'm not bitter 'cause I'll have more money. AND! if no ones reads I can bitch about my husband more often. HA!

Anyway, since my service won't be available until 5pm (phone at 8am - same company, wtf?) my Friday nature will have to be in the eve.

Caio babies!

The Boob Fairy....

2008-07-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

This is not a song about Boobs, not really, it's really just a song about human inadequacy....

Ladies and Gentlemen...Deirdre Flint.

What Denise means...

2008-07-25T07:25:00.001-07:00

It's a little unnerving how accurate this was but here it is......

What Denise Means

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Ahhhh....

2008-07-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

That's what I like...a low stress job the puts me home before 6pm.

No contracts to write, no collection calls to make, there's a dog in the office.

Oh I could get used to this.

As soon as I figure out where my blogging fits into my schedule I will write more, needless to say my first day was awesome, the people are pleasant with a sense of humor, BONUS!

See ya soon!

And Evil gets a job....

2008-07-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

That's right folks, I am of the working class once again.

Back to the office with ye!! Man that keyboard! The phones be a ringin' and I be answerin' argh!

and at more money than the job originally offered, 'bout time someone notices a good thing when it's smiling before them.

Ciao!

Happy Birthday to my little Love.

2008-07-19T13:56:00.001-07:00

It seems like just yesterday I was telling people we were expecting you...

But you've gone from this...

to this...

In a blink and a sigh...It's amazing to me how fast time goes by.

I love you my little blue eyed blond. Happy 9th birthday.

Love, Momma.

Holy quick responses Batman!

2008-07-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

So I had my interview today, wink.

When I left the office the nice lady said,"Okay we've had a lot of applicants, but, we're finishing up today and we'll be letting everyone know on Monday."

Just now....I got a phone call....she wants me to come back in on Monday to meet the Owner....then she wants to "talk" to me.

Yee hah!

Death.....of a cell phone.

2008-07-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

It's official, I killed it. It's dead.

My first cell phone too! And I'm always so careful with it. Because all along I've been fearing this very thing would happen, that the Man would leave it in his pants pocket, I would miss it and wash the damn thing.

Voila! I have done it. The Great and Terrible Evil Queen has sentenced her phone to death by spin cycle.

Thank the Gods I have insurance, wink. I kinda thought when I bought the phone...hmmm, one Man, two little girls, one dog, one cat....maybe I should get the insurance, you know...just in case.

Turns out it was me. ME! who was the one to worry about all along.

The good news is I get my new phone on Monday, the bad news is I have now lost every phone number that I had. I only have a few memorized and then only the numbers I already had memorized before I acquired the cell, sigh.

I knew things were running to smooth, something always goes sour when that happens.

*Oh, and since it's Friday and I'm supposed to Nature blog....go here for your fix.*

Unbelievable....

2008-07-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

I am such a dork.

Is there a full moon or something? Oh yeah, that's right...there is.

People, while on the phone yesterday, transfering my life to the new apartment, while giving out my cell phone number to all involved, *in case my ahem, land line isn't working for a few hours* and while I was doing that do you know what else I was doing?

Adding my cell phone to the wash via the Evil King's pants.

I swear I checked all the pockets I SWEAR! but I missed one.

It is currently sitting by a warm lamp and the last of the moisture is fading away.

Until then I won't know if I killed it or not.

*sigh*

The polls are in...

2008-07-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

and it stays short.

While I would love to say it was all the internets that made the decision, alas it was the job interview I got called about today WOOT!

So the professional out ways the Hippie in this area.

Sorry Auntie, I'm gonna have to fold up my freak flag and put it in a box with the rest of my belongings for now...but I still have it.

And now on a lighter note.....

2008-07-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

What do you think?

Leave the hair super short?

Or grow it back out to ass length?

What do you think? I'll give you some ideas....

behold long haired Evil....

And short haired Evil...

Whatcha think?

Day 16

2008-07-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.......it's over. The Offspring are home. And already fighting.

Two weeks and their gone again though, then I'm moving to a tiny little shitty apartment.

Starting to think I need a change of scenery. Got some scheming in the works. Not sure where it's gonna go.

On a side note, seeing my Father yesterday was eye opening. He's looking sick. He has severe liver disease and has been drinking like a fish lately. Last time he looked this way the Doc gave him 6 months. Last time I told him he needed to take better care of himself he said "Fuck you" so...

Anywho, My brain is all over the place. I can't think straight with all this shit on my mind.
If you want to be amused, watch the video below. But if your at work...turn down the speakers your boss may not be so amused.

And now for something completely different....

2008-07-12T11:36:00.001-07:00

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-07-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

If trees could talk, what do you think this one would say?

Photo

2008-07-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well.......

2008-07-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July was a wash.

Seems they decided to move the fireworks barge from out in front of the Maritime museum (which my aunt and uncle live right directly up the hill from) to somewhere down the river, I'm guessing the Alderbrook area which is out of site from where I was.

Well no one told me. And Auntie said she'd been listening to the radio and she hadn't heard anything about it, I guess I should have payed more attention. So no fireworks show for me but a good time was had by all anyway,

See me having fun?

Then I made the Man take me to the beach and we had more fun...

And He took beautiful shots of The Wreck of the Peter Iredale, see...

Then we went home and lazed around all day doing pretty much nothing, I'd call that a good day.

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-07-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July All
This is what it will look like in Fair Astoria tonight!
~CHEERS~

Day 4

2008-07-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

Demolition day.

I warned them I did, for two weeks I did, every. single. day.

I told them that they had to clean their room. I told them that anything left out of place or on the floor of their room was to be thrown out after they left. I told them we are downsizing, that if they did not care about their things then why on earth should I?

I got a tip from a Father once after I was complaining about my little pigs. He told me that one day he had gotten fed up with the messy room problem and went destructo with black garbage bags in his kids room - everything got tossed - he then said that he hadn't had a problem with their room since, all he has to do is mention his last solution and they are up cleaning.

So I have to think, why don't I do that? So I'm going to and today is the day.

I'm going in armed with bags and a shovel. Anything out of it's home is toast.

Just one thing......if you don't hear from me in three days, send help.

Day 3

2008-07-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

I got nothin', sorry folks. The Man has the day off, I have no kids and I am very distracted today.

I want to bar-b-q but I need a side order of Sun and it looks like we're fresh out.

I'm thinking we might just cuddle up with a good movie, or play it by ear whatever.

HEY! Who stole the Sun? If you please, could you return it?

kthxbai!

Day 2

2008-07-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

Chips, Home-made Salsa mmmmmm, Corona and lime and naked time.

that's all folks!

Day 1

2008-06-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

And now I will post for you a response to my last post pertaining to what I would do when my kids left and since dooce has had so much luck posting snark I thought I would try it. And P.S. I so got drunk last night, we went to The Columbian and I had red wine (holy shit they still serve that?) while we watched Iron Man and I might do it again GASP.

"Anonymous said...

Wow, getting drunk? People still actually drink? I thought that went out with the 1980s.....really girl, get a grip..young moms aren't supposed to "get drunk". It's not a healthy thing to do to your body or your brain-but oh well, do what you gotta do. But remember, boozers are LOSERS"

Disclaimer: Let it be known that I drink. I used to be a smoker but it's been almost one year since I quit that (yeah for me!) I do not go to church, I am not religious, I don't know what I believe where it pertains to "God" or whatever, I swear and I may do so here...that is why I'm on this site, I do not post comments on people's blogs without leaving my name; if I want to give out my two cents I'll be big enough to tell you who I am and where to find me, I may offend you; if I do and you want to leave me that's okay ~ I don't care if I'm not everyone's favorite person but I'm not trying to be either.

If you are offended by any of those things your probably reading the wrong blog and with 75,000 people a day or so out there starting new blogs I am SURE you will find something that suits you just fine, I know I have. I do this because I enjoy it and the day that changes will be the day you click in to my blog and find it gone.

One more day....

2008-06-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

And I am kid free babies!! for two weeks.

That's right I said it TWO WEEKS SANS CHILDREN.

Are ya jealous?

Dontcha just hate me?

Now I have to go, lots of packing to do to get them off tomorrow morning, then I think I'll get drunk and pass out in the sun for awhile (sunblocked of course) then maybe get drunk again.

Who knows? The childless possibilities are endless.

TA!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-06-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
--Winston Churchill

No wit today....

2008-06-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

My butt is broken.

When I first got pregnant oh these twelve and a half years ago, I experienced something many woman have the misfortune of experiencing....sciatica.

If your not familiar it means - that the spots to the left or right side of the small indentation made by your tale bone will...catch or stick if you will; seize up may be the correct term. The end result being that it's very hard to sit or stand or to bend over or stand up from a bent over state...you know, things we humans do everyday to function normally.

Well mine has been acting up for a week now. Makes picking up laundry very difficult. It even makes sitting here typing this post a tad bit uncomfortable.

Ahhhh, one more reason for all you childless people out there to think twice about having kids. Don't get me wrong you know the drill...I love my kids, wouldn't trade them, wouldn't do it different blah blah blah...

BUT! my body has suffered, greatly. I am still suffering from pregnancy side effects and my oldest will be twelve soon. I just want to slap all those ladies out there who say "Oh I just love to be pregnant, I feel so wonderful! I could do this the rest of my life"

Go to hell I say! What's wrong with you I say? Are you insane? Did you not get sciatica? Morning sickness from hell? Aches? Pains? General misery? What planet are you from I say?

I hated it! I felt...invaded. And it didn't help when dear sweet Miss Melanie said "Hey Denise, you got somethin' alive in there, ain't that kinda gross?" All I could think then was "get out get out get OUT!"

Ya! thanks for that. As if it wasn't bad enough what with all the incontinence.

Anyway I digress. My point is I'm not funny today. My butt is broken.

Ode to Pollen

2008-06-23T06:46:00.000-07:00

Oh bane of my existence, oh powder from the very depths of hell why do you torment me so?
Why when the very absence of you would bring the World to an end do I want you to cease to exist?

Is it because of the beautiful things you cause to grow? Or the sweet, sweet honey that is produced because of you? Why no, of course not. I'm still a lover of nature you know, though it pains me so.

No, it's because of the itching I feel all over my poor little allergy ridden person. It's because of my eyes that burn like fire. It's the itching sensation in the back of my throat that nothing can touch; that horribly irritating sensation that makes swallowing a cactus seem.......lovely.

It's the sneezing attacks that occur anywhere, anytime that cause the scent of flowers to burst forth from my nose and mouth (people have actually stopped me to ask the name of my perfume, IT'S ME DAMN IT AHHHH!) causing people to follow me around sniffing me as though I were some sort of strange flower.

How from seemingly no where ungodly amounts of snot will pour from every orifice on my face and at the most inopportune moments at that.

And the grass, sigh. The beautiful, fragrant, soft, cool, torturous, heathen, unloving, unforgiving, from hell grass. How I would love to be five again, back before the words "hay fever" were a part of my vocabulary, before the discomfort of itchy watery eyes and nose could touch me in my youth. How all at once the very smell of it brings terror and elation, ecstasy and dread.

Alas, here I sit; Once again mulling over my big dilemma of the Summer; Do I suffer? Or do I break down and take the allergy pills? Do I want to be miserable? Or do I want to be doped up?

Oh the angst of Evil.

Lazy Saturday

2008-06-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

Is there really a point to posting on Saturday? I mean....how many people actually read their blogrolls on the weekend? Besides me that is. Who will even see this I ask you?

I skip around, trying to read new posts from my fellow bloggers and inevitably feel like a looser who has nothing better to do than troll the internet's for some early morning entertainment.

The collection of crap they call cartoons are not what they used to be, hence I have been thwarted my Saturday Morning Cartoons and I am forced into the arms of YOU! internet.

But no one blogs on the weekend, except me (poor, poor Evil.)

And it's not like I am neglecting anyone for this either...The Man works on Saturday...my pets are asleep as well as my children (odd for the oldest at this hour) and all is quiet save for the music from my playlist.

But alas...as I click around, the same thing that was there yesterday is still there today. I must find some other way to entertain myself....but then what happens tomorrow I ASK you?

Oh ya....The Man has the day off YAY! And maybe the Sun will come out and we can go and play or something or or....okay....now I'm just typing the random thoughts that pop into my head,
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME INTERNET'S!

that is all....

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-06-20T06:00:00.001-07:00

Reason to always bring your camera with you...

2008-06-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Because shit like this is GOLD to a blogger.

Ways to make little girls happy

2008-06-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

First take one of these,

then add some of these,

Then let sit over night, possibly covered in a do rag or something...then Ta Da! you get this...

and...this.

Big. Fat. Smiles.

To My Favorite Boy In The Whole Wide World...

2008-06-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

I love you ever so much, I could not live without you.
Thank You
Happy Father's Day

Because I'm lazy, I'm reposting an oldy...

2008-06-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Rule Of Chocolate:

Chocolate is a vegetable.
How you ask?
Chocolate is derived from cacao beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate bars also contain milk, which is dairy.
So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. (at least three servings a day I believe)
Diet tip: Eat chocolate before a meal, It'll take the edge off and you'll eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights (little known nutritional fact) and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore you need to eat more chocolate.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
Equal amounts of both white and dark chocolates counteract each other = a balanced diet.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands your eating it too slowly.
If you can't eat all of your chocolate it will keep in the freezer, but IF you can't finish your chocolate; what's wrong with you??

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-06-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

Cherry Tree In Bloom

Not gonna do it...

2008-06-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

Not gonna bitch, piss, whine and moan; NOT GONNA!

I'm sorry people, the stress......it's got me today. Shit is trying is very hardest to hit the fan, after all that has happened more shit is trying to slip it's way in.

You know, it's like standing on the edge of a cliff. Below you the water is churning and spraying it's way around the jagged sharp rocks that peek and hide beneath the surface; Behind you...behind you is the sloping hillside that is to steep to climb and the fall is endless; At the bottom you and all your belongings will end up in a jumbled heap of a broken mess and cleaning it up just seems to painful and exhausting.

So I stand here, carefully, so as not to slip in either direction; only my legs are starting to tire.

Beware all ye pretty pretty princesses...

2008-06-10T06:31:00.000-07:00

Your pink puffy's will not be tolerated here arg.

Let this be a warning to all ye who enter here, priss will not be allowed.

UGH!

2008-06-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

I don't want to offend any of my male reader's so I'm offering a disclaimer...MALE BASHING TO BEGIN IN 3, 2, 1...

I have spent the last two weeks catering to a very sinus infected male....up to and including when I finally banished him to urgent care three days ago for antibiotics....I spent the first two days forgetting that he was sick and saying stupid things like "What's wrong babe?" only to be followed by this shriek "I'M FUCKING SICK DENISE, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?"

Now two weeks later, I'm sick, Three days now I've been dealing with this headache; you know the one; where you bend over to pick up the sock you just dropped and your head tries to pound it's way out of your skull? yeah that one.

Well here's the rub...God...he didn't give Men (at least mine, I'll give you boys that!) the ability to deal with sick people. NO! Once his needs are met (antibiotics being the final solution) he has no sympathy. After two and a half weeks of dealing with his whining and bitching and moaning about his DAMN SINUSES do I get any comfort? Some sympathy? NO! I get "WHAT?" I'M ON ANTIBIOTICS GOD DAMN IT, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR ILLNESS; even though I caused it"

Sorry babe, it really sucks that after two weeks of taking care of my lame ass that you got my stupid fucking cold! Sorry that you don't have any health insurance and you CAN'T go to the doctor for antibiotics, sorry that you have to resort to FUCKING WHISKEY (bleh) and DayQuil to get rid of your cold, no conventional medicine for YOU!
SUCK IT UP BITCH!

O'kay he didn't say that last part but DUDES it totally felt that way. However, he DID say "Your just drunk!"

O'kay it's almost 5pm and I've had 3 shots of bad whiskey since noon, and while it may seem like a lot to some of you I added those shots to glasses of: chamomile tea, lemon wedges, honey and cayenne pepper. I AM HAVIN' A FUCKIN' BLAST BEBE!

Yeah right, in what world is the above recipe grounds for FUN I ask you?

If I wasn't sick I would think I was a lunatic for drinkin' that shit 'cause people...aside from it's medicinal value THAT recipe is FUCKED UP! that's right I said it...fucked up...It's not your "get your drunk on" kinda drink NO! it's a kick your ass right into bed for a whole day kinda drink.

But what is a girl who is waiting for a decent president and good health care to do I ask you?
Do you have another suggestion besides what Hellouise and self medication can offer?

Cause if you have any home remedies to avoid a sinus infection I would dearly love to hear them!

Seriously!

Ahhh the stress......embrace it

2008-06-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

So I think it's time for me to get a job. I forgot how smoothly I run when I'm stress out.

The anxiety is high but SHIT GETS DONE! Like my world is trying to fall apart on me but I'm eerily calm about it all. Usually the Man is the one who finds us the place to live when we need a new dwelling but this time he had no time for that. And while the place I have an eye on is not a palatial abode it will save us money (something I have trouble doing) and maybe we can find something more permanent down the road. Or not, whatev.

I'm not gonna sweat it. If I never own my own home I don't care. I'll be paying the equivalent of rent for the rest of my life so six of one half dozen of the other right?

Cynical? or Realistic? I leave it to you to ponder.

So I think I found a place to live....

2008-06-06T15:29:00.001-07:00

But it will require some down sizing, which in the realm of things is not all that bad since I have entirely to much stuff.

And they allow dogs, and the move in costs are low, and I might be able to get a spot on the ground floor (bonus!) and they have a pet area! PET AREA PEOPLE, chock full of doggie poo bags and all.

Now, if I can fit all my furnishings in the apartment it'll be grand! And if not...anyone want a dog?

Oh and Melanie, this is for you!

Front of the Dress! (that's not a spot it's the camera!)

Back of the Dress!
And yes it will fit you! don't argue with me damn it!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-06-06T06:19:00.001-07:00

Mother Nature's Signature

This is the 200th Evil posting, Cheers!

Ode to my children

2008-06-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

Oh small women who would turn me gray,

must you fight and bitch today?

It's been only ten minutes since you walked through the door,

must you always fight about which one of you has more?

Why just last night you fought over a crumb!

If it were not attached you'd fight over your thumb.

I think it's a plot to get your own way,

your both little snots, must it be everyday?

I'd send you outside were it not for bad weather,

And I remember I love you so I won't knock your heads together.

One more week of school is all that I've got.

Then oh lord help me I'm alone with this lot.

This is too funny not to post...

2008-06-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

This is a mural on the ceiling of a smoking lounge in a Hotel.

Think this would help you quit?

Dear Universe...

2008-06-03T13:54:00.000-07:00

Okay....I apologize for saying Fuck You.

But I'm still super pissed.

I'll not go into the minor things that have gone wrong since the big one but suffice it to say I probably would not have noticed these things all that much had you not dropped the big bomb.

But my language was inappropriate and un-lady like.

However, I would appreciate it if you would cease and desist with the bad shit ASAP!

Thank you that is all.

Happy Birthday Anthony

2008-06-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

It has been four months since you past and it still seems like the phone might ring and when I pick it up "Hello Darlin'" might come through from the other end.

You would have been 61 years old today, still seems so young to me. I can't quite remember the last time I saw your face, was so long ago; I think it was my front yard but the memory is blurry now.

If someone had asked me at Christmas who I thought I would be with out in the coming year your name would not have come up. I still can't hardly think of you without the sting of tears, how the suddenness of it all still hurts me so deep, how it's still so close to the surface.

I know your in a better place; wherever that place might be and so the pain and the tears are all just for me; for my loss and the sorrow it's caused the Man I love and his family, your family.

You were loved by everyone who met you and you are missed by them in your absence.

I love you A, Happy Birthday.

I am in love....

2008-06-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

With HULU, if you have not checked out HULU you should!

I just watched two episodes of LOST that haven't even aired yet! HAVEN'T AIRED YET!

It was tricky but I did it. It wasn't easy I had to be sneaky to watch them but DUDES! Cable...soon to be a thing of the past.

OH! and the best part...FREE ;P

*UPDATE*

I found out that those episodes HAD in fact aired this last Thursday, so my bad
people, however they weren't actually updated either so I still had to be sneaky.
Also much to my dismay Battlestar Galactica is somewhat of a no go on that site,
so you can't have it all, sigh.
10:14 a.m. Monday June. 2 2008

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-05-30T08:52:00.001-07:00

Love bugs...

Hello Universe?

2008-05-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

Ummmmm......I think you may have misunderstood my meaning.

I did not want to be homeless.

I wanted a house of my own.

The letter from the landlady saying we had to vacate by July 30th so she could sell this place (HA!) was a cruel joke in place of what I had asked you for.

So Fuck You.

Thank you that is all.

Dear Universe...

2008-05-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

You know what I want so I'm not even gonna say it.

Just give it to me already, please? I've been a good girl (or bad whatever works) I deserve it.

We both know you want to so why fight it? Why not save us both a lot of time and energy and give me what I want, what I need.

It's not like I'm asking a lot, it's a big world and it's just sitting there lonely and unloved, uncared for.

Just give it to ME and I will love it and care for it and make it beautiful again, it's what it wants.

And how can you say no to that hmmm?

So let's just stop all this hemming and hawing over whether or not we are meant for each other WE SO ARE!

So let's get the show on the road Universe, let's just get this over with and you can move on to bigger things.

Thank You for your time.

This video made my day...

2008-05-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

I stole it from my buddy Kevin Charnas ....I might even have teared up with laughter over it.

And does this girl look familiar to anyone else?

P.S. I highly recommend listening to the Sunburnt Hand song when your done with this one!

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-05-23T07:36:00.001-07:00

Where did the time go?

2008-05-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

I found an old friend on the internet the other day and it got me thinking about time. It seemed to me that it hadn't been all that long since last I saw her, but then I was aware that she had never met my children. My oldest will be twelve this summer. It seemed like yesterday I was this woman's roommate and her then youngest child would NOT wear her underpants; now that little girl is almost grown. Seems like last night we were having a conversation about my possibly visiting her in Florida for a time when she lived there and being interrupted by her realization that there was an alligator at the other end of her pool. Now twelve years, 4 children, 3 states, 1 new spouse and a cancer scare have gone by.

I feel like at any moment my mother is going to call my name and tell my teenager self I have to take my little brother with me if I want to go to the mall or to Melanie's house; then my 6th grader walks through the door. I pass a mirror and catch a brief image and my mind thinks "Wow that lady looks like my Mother" and then realize it's my own reflection I passed.

I don't feel my age but am more over reminded of it. Small babes are giant girl women taller than me now; Suave men get old then expire; young boys grow up strong then grow crazy/angry/withdrawn then finally medicated. People change into new people that you don't know. They start new lives, have new children, move out of state, get new spouses, contract diseases, loose touch, loose heart, stop caring or are unable to. And when or if you re-connect you are new people with new lives and new stories to tell and hear. Hopefully you are not so different; maybe there is a path from the youth that you were to the adult that you are.

Now yours is the suave Man and you are the Mother and they are the teenagers. The young boys are strong men. The giant girl women will soon be real women and our usefulness will fade with the transition.

But then there is that little glimmer of what is to come. A shiny little jewel to ponder and admire from inside the little box where I keep it. Someday my usefulness will fade. Someday they won't need me. That both saddens and elates me, makes me teary eyed and giddy. That I will again be my only obligation.

For now though, I will set my alarm for 4:45 a.m. and I will get up tomorrow and make coffee and get the Man off to work and the kids off to school and I will remember that yesterday I was a wife and Mother and not "Single girl in the city" although it would seem so.

Outdoor School

2008-05-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

My big girl left today for Outdoor school.

This is it. I'm obsolete.

She's off to start the phase of her life where in she starts not needing me.

She gets to go for three days to outdoor school, then she comes home and Thursday she gets to go to the 2008 Girls Summit in Portland, then on Friday she gets to go with the rest of the 6th graders to Fort Clatsop to help finish building the Fort to Sea trail.

She's busy.

So that leaves the youngest here alone with her Dad and I.

We will be taking her to see Horton Hears a Who at the local Pizza place/Movie house.

Friday Morning Nature Blogging

2008-05-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

This little guy is one of the many little birds that regularly tries to fly into my dining room, only there is the glass issue. With a loud THWACK they knock them selves out ALL THE TIME! It's loud enough to startle all the inhabitants of the house and give a good shake to the large picture window.

He was knocked silly long enough for me to take a couple of pictures, then the cat came over to see what I was doing and got interested so I took him in the house. When I came back out he was still there.

And not to worry, he snapped out of it and flew away after he got his picture taken. He he will live to knock himself out another day

A letter to Cami Kaos

2008-05-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Cami,

I heard your podcast where in you called me out. I HEARD! And so to save face and not to let you believe I would ignore something so HUGE as an invitation from the Great and Powerful Cami Kaos,

I am formerly accepting your invitation to do the Strange Love podcast.

However, I still do not know when I can do that for I am lame and here's why...

I just bought a new headset w/mic specifically for the podcast and they DON'T WORK!! sucks to that. Plus my kid now needs glasses so I can't afford to replace them right now. Not only that but it wacked out my sound system like hella bad and I bought them at Fred Meyer's so I don't know if they will take them back. If you (or anyone) has any ideas for inexpensive headset w/mic I can purchase I would love to hear it.

So...as soon as I am not lame I will let you know and we can set up a time to do this and I will enlighten you as to the bathing hippie, if your still interested by then that is.

And P.S. I think the Bubblewench might know a little something about being a hippie; jus sayin'

So I had this great post planned...

2008-05-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

and then the Sun came out and the birds started to sing and I completely forgot what it was I was going to say...

So I'm going to take my camera and go have coffee with my girlfriend and maybe take some picture's for tomorrow.

See ya!

There was an actual line...

2008-05-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

At my bathroom this morning.

There was one person in the shower, one using the facilities and when I walked out there was the rest of my family standing in single file line waiting for the bathroom.

It was to say the least hilarious.

Note to self: next time you move...make sure there are two bathrooms.

Spring cleaning time...

2008-05-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

Are you ready?

I've been up since 5am. I've gotten three people off to school and work, cleaned two picture windows and a few small ones too, I've done four loads of laundry, half of my dishes, cleaned and moved three dressers, a shelf, a filing cabinet and a dog bed.

And I'm not even close to done yet. And I won't even go into what I did yesterday.

Nothing like a Land Lady coming into the house to measure for carpet to light that spring cleaning fire under your ass is there?

Well aren't we special

2008-05-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

Former President Bill Clinton is in Astoria, he'll be at the maritime museum in half an hour.

Now all I need to know is...can I get to the grocery store which is on the other side of town...former Pres in the middle...before the traffic becomes a completely horrible mess?

Sigh...

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T08:53:00.001-07:00

We took the kids to Seaside Fun Center yesterday for some pre Mother's day fun.

We had spin-y spin-y fun! I laughed until my guts hurt, we love the Tilt-o-Whirl.

My Family tried to run each other over on the bumper cars.

We laughed our butts off at these two Seagulls who were fighting over a spot on the turn around wall.

this spot in fact that this Seagull quickly took when they hopped down to yell at each other.

But then we chased him away 'cause we needed to take this great picture for me for Mother's Day, a girl needs a good pic of her Family you know! Aren't they lovely, sigh.